Window Seat

 

Window Seat #1

It’s one of those sad days when I a 24 year old teary eyed kid runs hurriedly with open arms towards art and my diary for solace and peace. Days when I buy myself flowers, wear bangles with my shorts, scroll Pinterest and look out of my window. Out into nothingness.

Window Seat #2

I’m lying down on my PG bed while seeing this picture of my room back in Jhansi, while missing how it felt like an embrace on such days.

I see sideways to see the curtain of my PG room window unfurling above me while listening to Fasle(studio version) as I murmur with Kaavish , “Yaad hai mujhe teri har ada,musurahatien teri,tera mujhse chupke se yu kehna ke tu hai meri”.

Window Seat #3

I’m seeing the “Veerangana LakshmiBai Jhansi” station board moving away from me as I start hearing the train’s horn. I see ma  papa waiving at me as I inch closer to the window to see them till my last sight. They fade away gradually and I keep staring into the glass window.

The trees passing by me drift me years back in my memory lane, back to Cheenu di. The women whom I admired ,the women whom I wanted to be.

Cheenu didi was the only girl from my neighborhood and the nearby neighborhood together who got a degree from a good college,

who went out to a big city,

who pursued her dreams,

the only girl who wanted her own house, her own car,

who wanted to take care of her parents by herself.

I wanted to be her

But little did that 11 year old know that 'jab tk pinjra todke niklenge tab tak  pinjre se hi pyar hojaega'.

Window Seat #4

I zoom this picture of my Maa, see every detail of it. Her innocence, that Rani pink texture of her saree, her angular face ,broad forehead and ahh those eyes. 

I pause and admire every crease of them. I can hear her words which she always taught me ‘Guddu,apna paisa kamana hai. Kisi ke samne haath nhi failana hai’

I come out of my memory lane, breath out heavily and think 'Is it all worth it ?'

And to find a justification I run back to my window, only to miss her more and shed a tear while hugging my diary.

Anoushka💓